Saturday, June 16, 2007
I'm different.
I'm not in the mood for anything. I see my guitar lying on the floor, i picked it up, i plucked a few strings and i lay it back on the floor. I don't play my favourite football computer game anymore, i seem to get bored of it. I wouldn't even want to hug my plush toy when its on my bed. (My plush toy is seldom on my bed, it always falls below my bed.)
Alot is going thru my mind. The feeling i have now is "frustration at nothing.". I'm easily annoyed but i don't show because i don't have a reason to. After much much thinking, i think i realized i'm different.
I'm different from the people around me, I like things that others don't. I probably see things in a different perspective that others wouldn't agree with. Is it better or worse? Personally, i wouldn't say i see things in a better perspective than others but i always find some people so predictable. It's like i've been there, done that kind of feeling. Its like in a particular situation, you are bound to react a particular way. With this , that particular way you see things, that particular way you react will not be the same as mine. What do you do? You start giving little comments, sometimes criticisms. That when said aplenty, will irritate the fuck out of me. Because you judge me, when i'm criticised, i don't tend to argue or do anything. I'll probably just be silent not because i succumb, not because i agree, its because i know if i start, we'll probably end up nowhere except bearing a childish grudge on each other.
Another reason because i don't hit back because you'll probably win. You'll seek a thrid-party opinion and the opinion would likely agree with yours, because you both think the same, feel the same, agree on the same things. The reasons i know all these is because, you see, its predictable.
If i stop here, and you have read my blog, and i came to ask you a question a few days later
" Ae, you think nice this thing nice anot ah?"
(In your mind thinking, Rod hates people to judge.)
"You think nice , nice loh. You think not nice , not nice loh."
Shallow and Childish? Its like somebody told you to stop doing something, and you purposely stop it completely just to make the other party feel miserable.
From this entry, i'm not really trying to tell people what to do, what to say, what to feel, what to think. This is just how i really feel, maybe it does serve as a reminder to consider or maybe if you feel that i'm just thinking thrash talking thrash, i state that please do what you always do. I don't want a week later from now, all the people around me to become robots.
Being friends, we all seek self-assurance from each other. Thus, we are fairly vulnerable to each other's comments. Its natural. However, sometimes in order to your point across you tend to be harsh. I used to say that "Don't bother what others say, just be yourself.". That led me thinking, are opinions always bad? Some comments and opinions can actually lead you to become a better person. Thus, i do agree with a saying "listen to your friends' advice, for they are the best."
To this point, everything was written prior to my operation. Thanks everyone who showed their care and concern. Its been okay. Thanks ALOT guys.
Back to the topic, about opinions, comments and advice. I don't know much but what is it about mockery among friends? A little fun-poking is nice and real funny, but going to the extent to mock at your friends? What are you trying to prove? That you are a person with a real good sense of humor? Maybe, when you mock, you feel good. But then again, you just irritate the fuck out of me. Truth to be told, we've grown. Probably my perception had changed a little, a little less like what it was before.
To this point, everything was written prior to my operation. Thanks everyone who showed their care and concern. Its been okay. Thanks ALOT guys.
Back to the topic, about opinions, comments and advice. I don't know much but what is it about mockery among friends? A little fun-poking is nice and real funny, but going to the extent to mock at your friends? What are you trying to prove? That you are a person with a real good sense of humor? Maybe, when you mock, you feel good. But then again, you just irritate the fuck out of me. Truth to be told, we've grown. Probably my perception had changed a little, a little less like what it was before.
I don't really know what i am saying in this post maybe i'm just paranoid or something.
I felt we had paradise but we managed to fuck it all up. People don't get along with each other because of shallow, dumb things. I just thought we are larger than that. =D.
If you don't get what i'm writing, then i probably wouldn't too. I wrote all these in seperate days so the emotion isn't as strong as the 1st day so i have probably forgotten much of what i wanted to say. Anyway, just hope we have great lives ahead and if you have the time watch " The Girl Next Door", i just watched it the 3rd time, as good as ever. Its like a teenager's fairytale story, lol. Best-teen movie in my opinion.
Hahaha.
Oh ya, Thanks again for everyone who cared. =D
Labels: every moment is just a tinge of pain one after another.
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awww rod..
rod ah.. i'm sure you will find out who you are meant to be some day. in the meantime, don get too fustrated and get well soon. hah.
My quote from Lord Of The Rings,
"become who u were born to be"
:D just be yourself Rod (:
Huier