Thursday, April 26, 2007
There's more to me than me.( The "I" post.)
I have an ambition, or perhaps more like a wish. I want to meet people from all walks and circles of life. Sometimes, you can't really explain human behaviour. Sometimes, its just a clear glass see thru, its just so predictable.
If i were to die, and all my family and friends were to throw out every information about me, i believe there would still be questions and secrets will be buried with me. There are this part of me that i couldn't share or explain.Its not that i don't want to, its more of i'm am not able to.The inability is not caused by a restriction but more like just an inability. Even if i do, you might not even understand. I just hope that everyday i could live behind that cover. Till now , if you purely feel that i'm talking funny, then i guess its a good sign.
I want to be a happier person. Anger prevents happiness. I'm fairly hot-tempered, easily pissed by slight happenings. Everything about people are beautiful. Traits, personalities and actions. I realised there isn't a guide for the "Perfect Behaviour". You can't possibly please everyone and that got me thinking to a solution. Please the ones that are worth pleasing and just forget about the rest.Most of people's actions are motivated by intentions and motives but evil intentions and selfish intentions are the ones that bring about head. Intentions may not be clear at first but come to time, people you treat badly will know it. I think its takes too much out of a person to hate and forgivness is so easily done. Its probably good there's no hate in a person but sometimes some things just scar you so badly, it hurts.
I wouldn't say that i've not done things that i'm not ashamed of. I've done things, many in fact with selfish and evil intentions. Sometimes it just takes time to reflect and realise what you've done isn't appropriate. I wouldn't say its wrong and "wrong" comes out to be a very strong word. I can only hope to change and be a better person that next moment that comes along.
I got friends saying that i'm anti-social. Actually, it sort of used to be a cool thing in the past being emo and stuff, not talking to people and hanging your head real low. There are times when i directly walk past people that i know(groupmates,friend's of friends)and pretend not to see them only for them to call my name and showing me a "Why did you do this again after so many times i've told you." face. I apologise for my weak vocabulary but i just hope you hape that imagery of that expression in your head. Other times were, " Hi rodney." and i will go "Ae,hi!". I gave the feeling that I don't know them well and as thought i'm very surprised to see them. It's kind of rude but i could actually explain the anti-socialism. I actually fear that when i take the initiative to say "hi" there wouldn't be a reply making me feel silly or i have this understanding that if the other person feels that i'm close enough with him/her for a "hi" the other person would take the "hi" first. I also do not talk much to friend's friends or people who i'm not so familiar with because i'm afraid that what i say might offend them or if i do try to instill humour and its not funny and makes me lame and stupid or worst they do not comprehend what i want to say.
Lastly, my sincere apologies for this SO SO SO self-absorbed post. There would be " Who gives a fuck about Rodney?" so my apologies for not describing more about this entry at the start. I just wish that blogspot never shuts down and when i'm gone, this will be all that's left to describe me in words.
Friday, April 13, 2007
Tribute
An hour ago, i just had dinner with Sherwin and i realised that how fast one year had passed. Looking back, i was still a freshman entering Ngee Ann Poly , Business Studies. I faintly remember the orientation I had , which suck and definetly not enjoyable. Graduating from the secondary school which provided so much comfort to a Polytechnic which has so many unfamilar faces till today is a very big change to make. I was a lonely person, in such a majestic course with such magnificent amount of people.
I was the only 1 of 3 students in my school who got into Business Studies, and the only other student who was in the same semester. Another former-schoolmate who is in Business Studies is some Sec 5 girl which i have never ever spoken to, but of course, i still know who she is. I yearn for the comfort of secondary school where all the faces would seem so familiar. I've realised that during the last year of your secondary school life, which is sec 4, everyday was paradise but its just that we actually didnt know it because it felt so natural.
So basically it suck, and i was feeling all alone, lonely, and bored. During the first week, i kept calling my friends to crash my lectures so i would have company. I couldn't wait for the lectures to end so i could meet my friends again. Me too, crashed my friends' lectures if there is a possibility.
The first time i saw the first few faces of TB11 was after an OCOM lecture if i didnt remembered wrongly. The first impression that actually struck me was Mingjun. He talked to the teacher , jokingly somehow and therefore it goes " There is this big size guy in my class." Haha.
I soon came to know that i had a primary school friend who is now my coursemate. So basically i started going to school with him and my former secondary school classmates, hang with him and so on... Tarmiziewas actually my first friend that i made in this course. However, he is in a different class from me so we weren't always together.
I remembered the first tutorial i had with TB11 was Business Statistics. It was wierd. I sat at the back of the class alone and our Bstats tutor sort of introduced himself and made us introduce ourselves.About 15-20 mins into the tutorial, a guy stormed in the class, LATE. I pulled my bag of from the seat which it was occupying and Keng Nguan sat beside me. I get to know he's from Swiss Cottage Secondary School and i had in mind " I had this tall guy with plastic glasses and spiked hair as my classmate." The first tutorial with TB11 soon ended and i dart down to meet my friends for lunch. I feel comfortable again. Then there is this morning, when there is a lecture going on, i cant really recall what module the lecture is about though. So anyway, i saw Keng Nguan sitting alone at the back of the lecture so i thought i'll drop a "hi". I think after the lecture i made him eat lunch with my friends and SIM canteen and i think its bloody awkward for him. ha.
Aniwae, Keng Nguan was the first new friend i made in Business Studies. Be proud. Ha. So me and him sort of hang and i sort of disliked him a little initally cause i felt that he talks alot and a tinny winny little irritating. BUT, now, he's one pretty nice guy.
Ok, you owe me like 50 bucks. hahaha.
Days start to pass and i've sort of fitted with my class more. We start to get together during lectures at the FRONT ROW which is totally "wat the fuck" when i come in late. Every morning i open the lecture's theatre door only to spot familiar guys at the front row and i have to walk down the aisle, i mean the long flight of stairs. But i walk with PRIDE. ha.
So many days have passed and in a few days time, most of us are not in the same class anymore. We do celebrate birthdays for each other. not all though. Uh huh. Uh huh. Shhh.
1000 bottles of Oolong.
Kitten Purses
Havianas sandals
Volcom wallet
Notice Boards.
Rip Curl Slippers.
and the many many pieces of cakes.
Jialing- The girl who is a boy, my power power BCA project mate. Hahaha.
Weixia- The super intelligent, action-funny girl. Funny i mean good Funny.
Shuxian- She thought me how to eat applepies.
Shihui- The Mando Pop fanatic.
Hui Er- Minnie mouse comes to live.
Henry- Haagen Daaz does it for me. Thanks. I wan Cookies and Cream. Thks alot for Surf's up!
Andrew- The animated christian.
Mingjie- Emotional and delicate. ( I tried to make you gay. Best i could do.) Hahaha!
Keng Nguan- Yo ah Yo. The "ae rod, wan play bball/dota?"
Sherwin- The always think he damn tall then "hehehehe" one.
Chien Hock - How's your business at the 4 wheels below each feet?
Leonard- "Get your priorities right." I will NEVER EVER forget this. Hahaha.
Wee Kok- The guy who has a crush on Shi Hui. (I figured you might never read my blog aniwae. You read already tell me then maybe i will change it. =P)
Sim seng- The Rockstar.
Rodney- The Rockstar wannabe.
Minjun- The big big big so big bear who stole the Oolong tea and honey and the Rockstar wannbe's wannabe. =X
Aniwae, i just wanna thank all of you for the joy we shared during tutorials, lectures, lunches, dinners,outings,k-boxing, the east coach beach, the sentosa beach, the chalet and the ever-fun simseng's games. I have met some really great friends of today. I know at times i was kinda big by "big" i mean trying to be clownish, ape and gorilla but its just me when i some sort lose my mind.haha. Its really a pity i dont get to talk much with some of the people in the class but then again, you should be glad u didnt or your life will be a whole lot more miserable. Ha. Again, i wanna thank you guys for making my virgin first year in Ngee Ann a wonderful and smooth sailing one. Me, too hope that you all have a great time having me in your class............................NOT!
Ok, i know i'm lame.
i wont forget the super-dooper uncool photo which we took after Ocom formal presentation i had both my index fingers on my cheeks and eyes horizontal lines. Wat the fuck man. LOL. Its totally cool the fun we had with each other and got time go throw Hui er inside the sea again ah.
So TB11,
So long, goodbye.
Should i sign off with a "cheers" or a "muacks" ah? "Muacks" like disghusting ah. "Cheers like boring ah"
Ok la, Cheermuacks.
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
What is wrong and what is right?
Hi there, it seems i haven't been typing in this webpage for a fairly long time.
I presume that its a day to day occurence that we judge somebody. I feel that in today's society, what is wrong and what is right is like black and white. When you see a guy on the street with tattoos on his body and a few facial piercings and he stares at you, what do you feel? Fear. It is because there is this perception in your head that people with tattoos and facial piercings are either gangsters or some guy with violent tendencies.
What if another guy who is totally clean gives you a same stare, would you still feel such a strong feeling of fear? I guess not. Because this guy leaves you possibilities of what he might be whereas the tattooed guy has already been condemned in your thoughts though FEW or NONE might actually admit it.
Let's forget tattoos. Tattoos are going mainstream and its getting more accepted by people.
Let's talk about women. A question for the gentlemen " What do you think of a pregnant lady without a husband or a young, beautiful single mother ?" I guess that many of us would think that she is "cheap", easily screwed over, desperate for love. Isn't it? Typical.
Next example, smokers. Friends of mine and people i do know had been condemning smokers as "dirty" and smoking kills. Its a fact that smoking kills. There are many reasons why people actually picked up smoking. Peer pressure, coolness factor and curiosity. For me i deem it as a part of growing up. I have always believed to living life to the fullest , experiencing everything for you only get to live once. But its really sympathetic that one's life has to depend on ciggarettes or even anything. A person life's being dependent on another is also another example. One's life should never depend wholly on anything or anybody. Have control, take control.
I just want to say education is over-rated. Behind every life, there's a story. Every situation is unique and there's no such thing as a generalisation. Experience, get to know then understand. Education alone can't tell you what is wrong and what is right.
My article is actually much more than this. I didnt save it and i lost it and i couldn't put in effort to re-type it. =(